Look at the tree ... and nowhere else

ME:        Whoa! Hey Silver! Quick! Look at the tree!

SILVER: … what?

ME:        The tree over here! Look at it! Wow!! Isn’t it something?

SILVER: …. I guess. Can we keep walking?

ME:        No no. Not while this tree is here. That you have to keep looking at.  

SILVER: Why? It’s a tree, pop.

ME:        Yes, but you have to keep looking at it! Focus! And don’t look anywhere else.  For the next 30 seconds. Maybe more.

SILVER: Anywhere else? It’s a tree. There’s nothing special about it. Trust me. I’m a dog. I know trees.

ME:        Please Silver. Just look at the tree.

SILVER: I don’t get it, pop. You want me to stare at some tree.  It’s like you don’t want me to look ahead on the trail where I might see …. OOOOH MY GOD!!! OOOOH MY GOD!!! A DEEEEERRR!!!!!!!!!! A DEEEER!!! A FREAKING DEER!!!!!  LOOK POP!!! A DEER!!!!!

ME:         (Struggling with all my might to hold him back) Gee, I never noticed.

We just keep walking ... and walking ... and walking

SILVER: Pop, I’m getting tired. It’s late. We’ve been walking forever. Can we please go home?
ME: What? But it’s so nice out. Don’t you just love being outside in the cool air? Surrounded by all these vibrant colours?
SILVER: Pop, does this have anything to do with the fact that you just spent a few hours watching a Paranormal Activity marathon? And you might be a tad afraid to be home alone right now?
ME: Of course not. I just decided it was time that we spent more time outside.
SILVER: Right. Of course you decided to do this only after the bedroom door closed. Which happened because you left the window open and the wind blew it shut. And while you meant to say “Come on, Silver. Let’s go for a walk.”, it came out as “Aaaahhh!!!! Demon!!!!! Let’s get out of here!!!!!” Which you shrieked as you threw me over your shoulder and ran for the car.
ME: I remember it different.
SILVER: Pop, the condo is not haunted. There are no, ghosts, demons, witches or goblins. And before I hop up on the bed tonight, I will make sure there are no monsters under there. Deal? Now, let’s go home!
ME: Okay…. But first let’s swing by the dog park. They lock it at night so we’ll have to climb the fence to get in.
SILVER: We’re homeless now, aren’t we?

Moon over Halifax

ME: Look Silver! There’s a big moon out tonight!
SILVER: Good one, pop.
ME: See what I did there?
SILVER: I sure did.
ME: When I say moon, I mean I can see your butt.
SILVER: I get it, pop. I never said I didn’t get it. I get it.
ME: And when I say big I…
SILVER: Seriously? What part of “I get it” are you having trouble with?
((Long awkward pause as we continue on our walk.))
ME: …. Your butt’s big.
SILVER: I’m going to kill you. Tonight when you sleep I’m going to kill you.

Wakey wakey!

SILVER: Hey, pop. You up?
ME: Hmmm. No.
SILVER: Was that a yes?
ME: No buddy. It’s too early. Go back to sleep.
SILVER: Are you sure you’re not up?
ME: Yes, I think I would know if I was awake. Now … go … to … sleep.
SILVER: We could go for a walk if you were up. Just sayin.
ME: We are not going for a walk. I am asleep. Deal with it.
SILVER: Hmmm. I don’t know. You could be up. Let me try licking your face a few times.
ME: Okay, stop that! It’s dark! The alarm isn’t even set to go off for another 2 hours! Everyone in this time zone is asleep except for one annoying husky! Who just happens to be you! Now go to sleep!
SILVER: Fine.
(0.00000000000000000002 seconds later)
SILVER: Hey pop. You up?
ME: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET YOUR LEASH!!!!!!!!!!
SILVER: Hey! Look who’s up!

Face licking revenge

SILVER: (While licking me face) Hi pop

ME:        Hey, look at all the kisses you’re giving me! What’s up?

SILVER: Nothing. Once in a while I just need to show my pop how much I love him.

ME:        Aw, what a good boy you are.

SILVER: Yeah, you’re the best!

ME:        And here’s me thinking you were mad at me.

SILVER: Why? Because you wouldn’t let me lick your plate after dinner? No.

ME:        Good.

SILVER: I mean it would have been nice to let me lick it rather than just put it in the dishwasher like that.

ME:        Glad to hear, buddy. Because you looked mad.

SILVER: Not at all. By the way pop, remember the walk we took earlier?

ME:        Of course. It was only an hour ago.

SILVER: Remember how I went into the tall grass and came out with that … thing?

ME:        Yeah. Oh God, that was gross. Good thing I found that stick so I could pry it out of your mouth. There’s no way I was going to put my hands on that thing.

SILVER: Yeah… pry it out of my what now?

ME:        Out of your mou …. OH MY GOD!!!! STOP LICKING MY FACE!!! OH GROSS!!!

SILVER: Next time, let … me… lick … the… PLATE!