So embarrassing

ME:        Well, THAT was embarrassing!

SILVER: I’m not saying sorry. Not to you, the other dogs or the other owners.

ME:        I didn’t think you would.

SILVER: Because what happened wasn’t my fault.

ME:        Oh really?

SILVER: Next time, just say “It’s Wednesday!”

ME:        Fine.

SILVER: But don’t say “Hey Silver! It’s Hump Day!” and then take me to the dog park. Because that’s when what just happened… happens!

ME:        It was like watching “Littlest Hobo meets Caligula”!

SILVER: Still not sorry.

How'd you get that scratch?

                

SILVER: Sooo, pop? What are you going to tell people?

ME:        You mean when they ask how I got this scratch on my face?

SILVER: Yeah. I mean if it comes up.

ME:        I’m going to “tell” people that I was walking along the street when I saw some nasty no-goodnicks robbing a nun.

SILVER: Do nuns carry money?

ME:        Robbing a lawyer who used to be a nun.

SILVER: Oooo. Creative!

ME:        I yelled “Stop in the name of all things right and holy!”, at which point they ran off. And I ran off after them.

SILVER: Aren’t people going to get suspicious when you of all people say you ran anywhere?

ME:        Aren’t you gonna shut up?

SILVER: Sorry. Continue.

ME:        Thank you. Anyway, I cornered them in a dark alley. It was at this point that I subdued them and held them for the police. But not before one of them flashed a switchblade….

SILVER: … and gave you that scar, or rather scratch, on your face.

ME:        Exactly!

SILVER: Very nice. So…. You’re not going to tell them the truth?

ME:        You mean that it was really from you when I was trying to hold you still while the vet tech tried to trim your nails? No, I think I’ll take that to the grave.

SILVER: My hero!

Car Ride!!!

SILVER: Come on. Pop!! Car ride!! Let’s go!!

ME:        Fine. But Silver….

SILVER: CAR RIDE!!!!!

ME:        Silver….

SILVER: CAR RIDE!!!!!

ME:        SILLLLVEEEERRRR!!!!

SILVER: What?

ME:        That’s not our car.

SILVER: I know!!! CAR RIDE!!!!!

ME:        Wait, let me get this straight. You want to go for a car ride, just not in my car.

SILVER: Pop, it’s not that I don’t want to go for a car ride in your car.

ME:        Okay.

SILVER: I just don’t want to be SEEN in your car!

ME:        Well, that makes it better.

SILVER: CAR RIDE!!!!!

You gonna eat that?

SILVER: Now what are you doing?

ME:        You gonna eat that? Huh? You gonna eat that? You gonna eat that?

SILVER: It’s Kibble. It’s in my bowl. Of course I’m going to eat it.

ME:        Oh, I’m sorry. Am I being annoying?

SILVER: Even more so than usual, if that’s possible.

ME:        So what you’re saying is that it is very annoying when you are trying to eat and someone puts their face up to you and begs?

SILVER: That’s exactly what I’m sayi… oh God, here we go.

ME:        Kind of like when I’m trying to eat and you don’t and won’t leave me alone?

SILVER: Yes, Oh Doctor of Reverse Psychology. Just like that.

ME:        Good! As I was saying… You gonna eat that? Huh? Huh?

SILVER: You know what? Go ahead.

ME:        … What?

SILVER: Stick your face in my dog dish and eat my kibble.

ME:        Well, …

SILVER: I won’t bite. I won’t even growl. Go ahead. I dare ya! I double dog dare ya!

ME:        (Getting off my knees and walking away) I think I proved my point.

SILVER: Oh, you proved something.

Fetch?

ME:        You know, Silver, I took you to the dog park today to play fetch.

SILVER: Yes. And I had a blast!

ME:        What? You didn’t do anything. I threw the ball as far as I could…

SILVER: Yeah. Which isn’t very far, Tom Brady.

ME:        … but instead of going after it, you just sat there. Or you walked around sniffing.

SILVER: Right.

ME:        So I would have to go get the ball myself while you did nothing.

SILVER: Right. So in other words…

ME:        In other words, instead of playing fetch, you just sat there and watched me chase after a ball and bring it back to you over and over …

(Staring to sink in)

ME:        … again.

(Moment when I realize I have once again been played by Silver)

ME:        You’re such a jerk.

SILVER: Let’s play again tomorrow!

Wake up!!

ME:        Silver, guess what time it is?

SILVER: Um, after midnight actually. Why did you wake me?

ME:        Because it’s time for …. BAD JOKE DOGGY DAD!!!

SILVER:    … okay.

ME:        How do you get two whales in a car?

SILVER: I don’t know. How?

ME:        You start in England and drive west!

SILVER: (LONG PAUSE) Go to sleep. We’ll talk about this in the morning.

Tell me now

ME:        Silver, do you have to tell me something?

SILVER: Like what?

ME:        Do you have to do anything?

SILVER: I don’t think so.

ME:        Because if you don’t have to do anything right now, I am going to lie down on the couch.

SILVER: Good. You deserve your rest.

ME:        I’m going to crawl under this blanket. Are you sure you don’t need anything?

SILVER: Nope. Get cozy.

ME:        I’m going to turn on the TV. Are you sure you don’t need anything?

SILVER: Absolutely not. I think baseball is on soon.

ME:        It sure is. And you are okay?

SILVER: Yep. Enjoy the game.

ME:        Great. I’m just going to relax and enjoy the ga…

SILVER: Get my leash. I have to pee.

ME:        SILVER!

SILVER: Sorry, but you didn’t ask!