Please move!

ME:        Silver, please move.

SILVER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ME:        There’s enough room on the couch for both of us.

SILVER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ME:        I know you’re awake. You twitch when you sleep.

SILVER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ME:         Hey! Look out the window. There are a bunch of cats.

SILVER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz how nice Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ME:        Yea, with a bunch of mice riding on their backs

SILVER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  Interesting Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ME:       And they all are carrying steaks!

SILVER: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Something you don’t see every day Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ME:        (Sigh) fine, I’ll sit on the floor.

SILVER: Hey, maybe you can go keep the cats and mice company

ME:        Gee thanks.

SILVER: No problem Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Whole new year, whole new Silver

ME:        Silver, did you make a New Year’s Resolution for 2017?

SILVER: Yes! I promise to be good to all living creatures!

ME:        Really? Well that’s just great.

SILVER: Except cats. Because, you know, cats.

ME:        That’s fine.

SILVER: Mice and rats, too.

ME:        That’s … yeah, sure.

SILVER: And I’ll be cool with dogs. Unless they get angry at me for trying to hump them.

ME:        We REALLY have to talk about th…

SILVER: Squirrels. Rabbits. Foxes. Chipmunks. Deer. Nothing’s going to change there.

ME:        Of course it won’t.

SILVER: Come to think of it, there were some animals I saw on that Discovery Channel show you had on that seemed to have serious ‘tude, dude. Seriously. If I EVER catch a freaking wallaby within a thousand miles of here, I will kick it’s a…

ME:        SILVER!

SILVER: Fine. (Holding up his paw) In 2017, I vow to be a dog. A regular dog.

ME:        Well, …. Good luck with that.

TUG OF WAR!!!

SILVER: Come on POP!!! TUG OF WAR!!!

Me:        Silver, I’m tired.

SILVER: DON’T CARE!! TUG OF WAR!!!

Me:        But you always win.

SILVER: NOT MY PROBLEM!! TUG OF WAR!!!

Me:        Silver, all you want to do is play with an old sock I was going to throw out.

SILVER: YEP!!! TUG OF WAR!!!

Me:        Where are the toys you got for Christmas?

SILVER: HID ‘EM ALL! FORGET WHERE! TUG O’WAR!!!!!

Me:        And last Christmas?

SILVER: DITTO!!! TUG O’WAR!!!!!

Me:        Silver, I want you to look at that big bin over there. It’s filled with all the toys I and others have bought for you. Toys that squawk. Toys that oink. Toys that cock-a-doodle-do. There are HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS worth of toys in that bin just waiting to be played with. I want you to pick one and play with it. Alone!

SILVER: Fine.

Me:        Good.

SILVER: I’ll pick a toy and leave you alone.

Me:        That’s my boy. Now pop can take a well deserved na….

SILVER: But first ….

Me:        Oh, for the love of God, no.

SILVER: TUG OF WAR!!!

Me:        ((sigh)) Just give me the dry end.

Merry Christmas

"Merry Christmas to all the dogs and cats stuck in shelters. Don't worry. I was rescued when I was 8 1/2. You will find your forever home, too. Don't give up."--- Silver

Too cold to go out? That makes no sense!

ME:        (Sitting on the couch with a coffee underneath my snuggie) Silver, have you seen the warnings today?

SILVER: I’m a dog. How would I … No.

ME:        It’s 15 below. That’s 30 below with the wind chill.

SILVER: Okay.

ME:        That sort of cold causes your, or rather my, skin to freeze.

SILVER: I see.

ME:        And here’s the part I want you listen to. THEY ARE ASKING EVERYONE TO KEEP THEIR PETS INSIDE!

SILVER: That is cold!

ME:        Right, so you know that that means.

SILVER: I sure do.

ME:        Good.

SILVER: WE’LL HAVE THE DOG PARK TO OURSELVES!!!!

ME:        Exac…. What??!!

SILVER: :    Go get my leash! I got my ball! Better get out from underneath that snuggie and start scraping off the car!!! Let’s hurry before it starts warming up!

ME:        I really should have adopted a fish!

Sick day

ME:        ((Coughing)) Silver, come to my side.

SILVER: Oh, come on. Not again.

ME:        Boy, my time on the earth grows short. The infection inside me ((Coughing)) grows strong.

SILVER: It’s a cold. You have a cold.

ME:        I’m trying to hang on, yet shadows cause the room to grow dim.

SILVER: I know. It’s night. It gets dark at night.

ME:        Be well Silver. I hope you remember me fondly. ((Sniffling)) As a good person. A kindred spirit.

SILVER: Do you even know what “kindred” means?

ME:        Yes. ….. It’s that chocolate egg thing, right.

(Silver gives me a 15-second long look of shock and disappointment)

SILVER: Pop, I’m sorry that you’re sick. But I have to go out for my walk. Now please get off the couch, stop writing your will and get my leash.

ME:        Okay but first… ((Coughing and reaching out with one hand) Grandma? Grandpa? Is that you?

SILVER: Forget it. I’ll walk myself.

ME:        Walk towards the light? Whatever you say, Mr. Bowie.

Silver the pillow

SILVER: Um, pop. What are you doing?

ME:        Stretching out on the couch while using you as a pillow.

SILVER: And why?

ME:        Because this is what owners and dogs do.

SILVER: Do they now?

ME:        Yeah. When I rest my head on you like this, it’s my way of saying “I love you, buddy. I am totally comfortable with you. And I feel such a strong bond that I can just put my head down on you, close my eyes and go to sleep."

SILVER: Ah. I see

ME:        (suddenly sitting up and gagging) Oh God! Silver!

SILVER: Yeah, that was my way of telling you “I need to go for a walk”.